Good morning activities

My younger brother, who is 16, and who I’ve never heard curse, just said dammit in the next room. I laughed so hard. Mind you he messed his egg up, and then told my dad it was his fault, and then threw a fit over there being wheat bread in the house. Oh dear- Puberty is striking him hard.

Last night I went to sleep at 11, I could hear my neighbors, I was woken up at 1am, I could hear them even louder. I have to wake up at 6:30, which doesn’t sound bad unless your NOT a morning person. So I marched over to their house knocked on their door and told them “you need to be quiet.” literally that’s all I said. But from my tank top, sweats, smeary make-up, half-open eyes, and murderous look they figured out i was pissed.

I’m 21 and I yelled at other college age kids to go to bed…

My boyfriend and I are fighting. I hung out with my friend and didn’t text him back because we were having conversations and I didn’t want to be rude. He was jealous of my friend and annoyed I didn’t text him back. Why are we fighting? Because it’s ridiculous, I’m sorry but he’s not allowed to mad at me for those reasons and now I’m mad that he is being so outrageous and jealous for nothing.  Yes it is stupid, but I expected a text or missed call or something saying he was sorry for overreacting. But this morning nothing.

I have a speech today. It is not memorized. I have papers taped to one another on a wall. I have practiced numerous times. I plan on skipping my marketing class to better prepare myself for the speech. I am worried. I am scared. I can already feel knots in my stomach.

At 7:09am this morning I can honestly say that I am nervous, pissed, amused, concerned, annoyed, and deeply in love with my coffee.

As soon as that speech is done, I am a free range chicken.

oh nelly…

It has dawned on me…

I am not special

mind you i’ve realized this before…

And the sinking in starts.

I am not exceptionally beautiful.

I do consider myself to be attractive, maybe, ever so slightly, above average. But nothing close to exceptional and nothing that would help me in life.  Now beauty isn’t everything, except when you’re constantly bombarded with the superficial attitude of yes it is it becomes easy to believe. I’m no super model and I will not become a person of interest or special because of it.

I am not ridiculously intelligent.

Fact. I’ve been called smart, but I’m bright, not smart. Everything has to be worked for, it’s not given to me. And while I’ve developed the ever important manipulative techniques no strike of genius is going to make me cure cancer or come up with a more effective viagra drug. College will, and is, a struggle, and I’m not going to pursue careers in the sciences or math, or any type of combination.

I am not any where near wealthy.

I believe you can buy yourself into being special, if I could I wouldn’t particularly feel like it’s any real gain, but that being said, I cannot do this. I cannot afford to travel the world, I cannot afford to waste time on dumb ideas, I cannot pursue dreams that might not work out.

I am not [yet] worldly.

I love BBC. How often do I watch it? Rarely to none. CNN? Never. I love the news paper, do I read anything of use? No. I like the comics, the travel, the food, the local, and the entertainment. I spoke japanese but forgot it, learned spanish but never understood it, and currently have a rough time speaking english. I slurrrr words, like [[ my favorite word]] well. pronounce it wool. That is most definitely incorrect, fortunately I’ve fixed my awful pronunciation. I say things like epic, snap, flip, fail, jk, preggo, bomb, hella, like, ye, douche, ish,  and add ‘y’ to the end of words= failing at english

What am I saying? I’m nowhere near worldly, and honestly how much effort would I be willing to get to that point? I do not know.

I am not highly talented.

Pretty self explanatory. I can cook a swell omelette, I know how to brainstorm, I can wiggle my eyes- Those are pretty much my talents. Thus, I am not highly talented. You could say I’m not talented, but let’s be real, how many people can cook omeletts as well as me? It’s an important talent.

And I am not sure.

People who i view are unique have a good sense of direction and purpose. Maybe they don’t actually know, but they look pretty sure. I am still looking. For what? Everything.

In conclusion

It’s a very large world, and while I would love to believe that I am a unquie individual who is destined to be special, the fact is I am not. No movie contacts, book deals, huge non-profit orginizations, magazine noteworthy, sunset food articles, Food-Network specials, Apple released, Starbucks endorsed, or public enemy #1 for me. Nope. I’m a completely average and destined for average human being.

Now you could think i’m being negative and it totally sucks but theres a bright side…

All this means that I can literally do whatever it is I want. Yes it could be impossible, and yes it could be a waste of my life, but since I’m nothing special I will waste my life all I want!  I will travel and see everything till my eyes grow weary, I will read till my brain grows heavy, I will move till my legs grows sore, and I will speak till my voice grows hoarse.

The only thing getting in my way? Me. I can’t figure out what I want to do…